Miss Australia
Inspired by Jennifer Anniston's cover girl bikini guide in the latest CLEO - Schappylle Scragg has got in on the act - just to shhow that natural aussie shelias are the most beautiful in the world.
looking a bit worse for wear after her wild hens night Scragg bravely soldiered on to spread the word and spread herself around:
Scragg's tips are:
1. don't sit in the sand - coz it'll catch in yer panty gusset and make you look like you've dropped a turd
2. If you haven't got a best mate like Sharleigh to give you a Brazilian then you can bleach your short and curlies - they'll blend right in
3. Stuff some chicken fillets down your bikini top to keep that cleavage looking healthy.
4. Go for gold: It'll flatter every shade of fake tan
5. Fly the flag! - on a towel, on your skin, wherever you can.
6. don't be afraid of a wedgie - pretend you're wearing a g-string
7. If you go swimming expect to end up in the nuddy - with sand between your legs - ditto if you go for a grope behind the dunny.
8. Let your hair hang down - people love that windswept look
9. don't forget the sunnies - or the aerogarde!
10. Be proud of the woman you are, and don't hide your light under a bushell. Bare it all for the sun, the surf, the sand and everything that makes Australia beautiful
SPEAK INNGLISH OR WHAT????
CaCA were delighted to see some members of Marrickville council taking the lead in benchmarking some basic standards for KEEPING AUSTRALIA AUSTRALIAN.
Last month the local council proposed a motion to say THAT ALL SHOPS SHOULD HAVE SIGNS IN ENGLISH SO DECENT AUSSIES DON'T GET SUCKED INTO BUYING DOGMEAT FROM THOSE WEIRD ETHNIC SHOPS - just because there are no signs in bloody english - the real language of this country, the language of THE ANZACS!
Event though the eventual motion got watered down by those mamby pamby left wing lesbian whale savers - "saying that the council ENCOURAGES local businesses to display signs in English" - raising the motion inspired some letter writing from ordinary aussies into the local newspapers.
aussie Icon shappylle Scragg took a wander around the local shops just to see how many had signs any ordinary australian could read.
"I was pretty put off by this Italian sounding shop sign in Newtown. I mean what's 'barbarella' meant to be about? I guess coz its in newtown they must reckon they are being all arty and stuff - but I don't care - I just rekcon it's wanky and dumb. I didn't see any barbies, or any snags of even any prawns - so they lost my trade that day. Like the sign says - there's only one way to go when you see a sign like that - THE OTHER WAY. You can see no one is going in there! the shop owners are just being elitist. if they want to live in a ghetto they can go back to their own country."
